Ahh, summer is here. Even after transplanting from Southern California to the Pacific Northwest under depressing circumstances the nights this time of year still hold a certain amount of wonder, practically begging for me to stay up as long as I possibly can.

For nearly the last 10 years of my life a consistent force has been playing Starcraft in the late hours of the night. I'll play public games vs Koreans, I'll play with friends and watch them play, I go on and ladder when I am in the right spirit for it. When the evening hits and I start playing, chatting and watching replays time practically melts away. I do not actually think anything else I have ever encountered quite feels the same way. It feels as good as any great moment I had as a teenager during my summer breaks; yet the whole time I am alone. Usually listening to laid back dance music, a certain saccharine quality exists in all my playlists. There is too a bittersweet quality to the act of playing the game this way.

I don't get paid to play the game, I've never made a cent despite winning a few tournaments(Always the "check is in the mail"), I've never been particularly well known in the international circuit of players. I glide along just below the cliques that permeate competitive online worlds, taking my wins and losses vs the most well known occasionally and then going right back to my grind of simply playing for the love of it.



I've played Starcraft from the beginning of the truly competitive era. I was 19 or 20 with the naive idea of being a professional at the game. Getting up early when I had no job just to play Game-i at 9 in the morning during the free hours. I had the idea to maybe get good enough to take a trip to Korea, maybe teach english like so many dudes I met online were doing. But I never really quite put in enough effort, always cooling off whenever I got truly serious about being great. Who was I kidding, uprooting myself would have been impossible. Leaving friends behind to go, yet at the same time my obsession with the game slowly crippled me. Months would go by of the same routine of playing for 6 hours during the night, going to fast food drive thru's late at night so I would avoid contact with people. But my unhealthy lifestyle hampered me more than anything. When a tournament would come up and I would make a hardcore gaming schedule I would get burnt out because my life simply was not balanced, I play because I like the game and what I can accomplish in it. Yet I don't really long to be the best, the absolute top of the heap. I just play for the experience. I play because I like the players. I like the camaraderie - You lose a series that friends set up vs a good player they know, but even though you lost they still respect you. You put your skills on the line and on that particular day you lost. You can laugh about it, dwell on it, think about it. But they know your abilities and encourage you to examine the games and try again another time.

Maybe next time you win it. That's why I play. For one more win.